Dreams & Love Poems
What a difference a few years can make.
Last year in December, I applied to the Lambda Literary Queer Writers Retreat, and will hear back soon about an invitation to participate. I didn’t say my acceptance into the program/retreat because I don’t think art has to be accepted to be valid, so instead I’ll say “invitation to participate” so I don’t feel unaccepted and instead feel not invited this time around. Sometimes, you do need to your temper expectations, as an act of self-preservation.
This year, I submitted my poem “Good Morning Cypress B” to the Grand Rapids Public Library’s Dyer-Ives Poetry Competition. And again, if it goes uninvited for an award, I am okay with that, the goal in submitting is to get into the habit of writing and submitting and still continuing to write. I would post it here, but I’m not sure if that’s against competition rules. If you’d like to read the poem, email me at wrenwordsmith@gmail.com, and I can share it with you, I also read it in the audio.
A Note on Cypress B.
The poem was written while I was in-patient at a hospital. I wrote it towards the end of my stay. When I got home, I took a few photos and posted them on Facebook. Not really sure why I posted these photos, perhaps just as a reminder that I was still around, not too sure. Anyway, Facebook will dig up things you posted years ago and encourage you to repost, update, etc. SO, the photo below is a difference of 5 years. Me in 2019 after I left the hospital in March, and then a photo of me now in March of 2024. Even though my face looks the same, even some of the same acne scarring, my eyes look drastically different. In the post-hospital photo, my eyebrows are raised, and there are dark rings around both eyes. I remember being completely exhausted and burned out. Not really sure where I was going or doing, and scared to make any plans. But, the second photo tells a different story.
In this year’s photo, my smile reaches my eyes now. I look confident. It’s a wonder what a difference can happen in 5 years. My god-sister commented on how as a little one, confidence seemed to overflow from me, and I remember that so clearly. I was an intuitive kid. I was excitable, and I was a little leader who was super confident in herself and her dreams. I just knew that when I grew up, I was gonna be whoever I wanted and everything I dreamed.
I wonder what happened.
I mean, I do know what happened, but again, what a difference just a few years can make. I went from a confident kid, to a 25 year old woman leaving hospitalization with zero hope. Now, I’m back to feeling that child-like wonder and gladness and even intuition. Dare I say that even my Self-Love is back. I’m feeling again. And not just the bad things. Some really good things. I have hopes again, and even applied for my first passport. I have hopes and now I have dreams of places I want to go and see. I’m dreaming and hoping that little Nikita will be proud of me. I hoping and dreaming that little Nikita is just as excited for my future now, as she was then. I’m excited little Nikita. Let’s do this. Let’s keep dreaming.
A good friend sent a poetry prompt to me via Instagram. And as a poet, I couldn’t resist and wrote 2 poems instead of one.
Poem Prompt by arianathepoet: Write a poem with instructions on how to love you properly, what would someone need to know about you in order to love you right. what advice would you give to them?
Good Morning Cypress B is a Love Poem, just as these last two poems are Love Poems.
Thank you for reading.